My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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