i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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