he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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