Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
