dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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