I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
