I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
