Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
