I just pynch a tree in the face
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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