i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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