It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
