I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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