Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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