I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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