oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
