it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
