and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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