you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
