i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
