i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
True strength comes from lack of pants
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
