last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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