your parents love me but you hate me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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