Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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