end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
