At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
