i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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