She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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