i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
