so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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