He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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