I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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