I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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