i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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