he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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