I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
