i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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