I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
