took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
