all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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