tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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