My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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