Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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