So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
