I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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