you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
