I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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