I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
