Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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