very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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