he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
