That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
