Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
