He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
