He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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