So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
