I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
