Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
