Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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