trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
