3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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