I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
