Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
