I must be too annoying 4 u.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
