lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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