Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?