She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on