So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means