He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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