New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen