beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
