I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
