i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
