I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
