Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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