I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
