if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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