okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have aggressive nipples.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
