I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
