we have officially lost it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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